Last month, following our trip to France, I wrote about the importance of slowing down and looking through a different windscreen. I reflected on a quieter pace of life, taking time to appreciate the journey and returning home with a renewed perspective. The plan was for this month’s blog to return to the usual themes of charity leadership, governance and the work of RVT. However, best laid plans and all that…..

What I didn’t envisage after less than twenty-four hours after crossing the channel, life would provide a very different lesson.

The irony of the closing words of my July blog is not lost on me.

The day after we returned home, I experienced what doctors later diagnosed as a transient ischaemic attack (TIA). It came completely out of the blue. One moment I was looking ahead to a return to work; the next, I found myself spending nine hours in a busy Bedford Hospital A&E, undergoing tests and waiting for answers.

The initial investigations were reassuring, but not conclusive. I was advised not to drive while further tests were arranged. I was also advised not to do anything “too strenuous.” My life, which only the day before had seemed fairly predictable, had been placed on pause.

NHS provides clear guidance on recognising the symptoms and what to do next. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/transient-ischaemic-attack-tia/

An Unexpected Change of Perspective

For the first time in my life, after more than thirty years in policing and now leading a charity that supports people through some of the most difficult moments of their lives, I found myself becoming the person waiting for answers rather than the one trying to provide them.

It also brought with it an unfamiliar sense of vulnerability. Something had happened that was entirely outside of my control, and I found myself dependent upon the kindness, professionalism and reassurance of others.

I cannot speak highly enough of the care I have received from every member of staff at Bedford Hospital over the past four weeks. From the clinicians and nursing staff to the support teams working quietly behind the scenes, I experienced the National Health Service at its very best. At a time when it is easy to focus on the pressures facing our NHS, it is equally important to recognise the extraordinary people who dedicate their working lives to caring for others.

The Leader’s Dilemma

As leaders, many of us become very good at looking after everyone else. We are often far less disciplined when it comes to looking after ourselves. Appointments are postponed and symptoms dismissed, while we carry on because the job simply has to get done. We convince ourselves that, somehow, time will make itself available and that there will always be an opportunity to slow down tomorrow.

Leading a small charity like RVT is a privilege that I never take for granted. It is a role that continues to inspire and motivate me every day. Like many charity leaders, I am energised by the opportunities ahead and by the difference our team can make to the lives of others. If I have one recurring challenge, however, it is the temptation to try and do everything at once. New ideas, projects and opportunities are exciting, and there is always another task that feels important.

Over the past few weeks, I have come to realise that constantly moving from one priority to the next is not always the most effective way to lead. Sometimes, the greatest discipline is not taking on more, but deciding what matters most. Being kinder to ourselves means accepting that not everything has to be achieved today. If we focus on the priorities, work through them thoughtfully and with consideration, the outcome is often the same. It may take a little longer, but that is perfectly acceptable. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

What Really Matters

I have also reflected on how easily we prioritise the needs of others above our own. There is, of course, a balance to be struck, but leadership is not simply about being there for everyone else. It is also about ensuring that we have the capacity and capability —physically and mentally—to continue doing so.

The experience also reminded me how quickly certainty can disappear. We all build our lives around Outlook calendars, plans and routines. We assume that today will roll into tomorrow with limited variation. Fortunately, most of the time it does. Occasionally, however, life has ways of throwing a spanner into the works.

Thankfully, my story has been a positive one. The investigations have been reassuring, I have returned to work and, with a renewed appreciation of my own health and well-being, life is gradually returning to its familiar rhythm. I know that many people face far greater challenges every day. I do not for one moment compare my experience with those whose lives are permanently changed by illness, injury or bereavement. But even a relatively short period of uncertainty and vulnerability has given me a greater appreciation of how unsettling unexpected events can be.

That understanding has also reinforced something I witness every day through the work of the Road Victims Trust. When life changes unexpectedly, people rarely remember every conversation or every decision that followed. People remember how they were treated. They remember the kindness, compassion and understanding that was demonstrated by others. They also remember the people who took the time to listen and simply show that they cared.

A Lesson Learned

We cannot control everything that happens to us, but we can choose how we respond to it. We can recognise the early signs that something isn’t quite right and have the confidence to act upon them. Caring for ourselves should never be seen as being separate from caring for others. The two are closely connected. As leaders, we have a responsibility not only to those we support, but also to ourselves. By protecting our own health and wellbeing, we are ensuring that we are better equipped to support others when they need us most.

As leaders, colleagues, volunteers, parents and friends, we spend much of our lives caring for others. Perhaps we should occasionally ask ourselves a simple question: am I giving myself the same care and attention that I so readily give to everyone else?

For anyone living with the effects of a TIA or stroke, or supporting someone who is, the Stroke Association offers excellent information, practical advice and ongoing support.

https://www.stroke.org.uk

Paul Cook
Chief Executive Officer
The Road Victims Trust

https://rvtrust.org.uk/news

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